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EBOLA BLUES

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America is now the fourth country to be significantly impacted by its own patented version of the Ebola virus, along with Sierra Leone, Liberia, and Guinea. All other global leaders, including Jamaica and Cuba, allowed common sense to triumph by placing bans on all non-essential travel to and from the plague-ravaged countries.

The Center for Disease Circulation, or CDC, has received a firestorm of international condemnation for allowing Amber Vinson, a Dallas nurse who cared for Ebola victim Thomas Eric Duncan by cleaning up ceiling high piles of his bloody feces and vomit, to fly on a commercial jetliner after a hard day’s work, possibly exposing around 150 passengers and personnel to the virus.

Vinson, 29, noticed she had symptoms after her Frontier Airlines flight between Dallas and Cincinnati. Her symptoms—diarrhea, vomiting, headache, and chills—were mistaken from common after-effects of eating onboard meals typical of American passenger jets, which caused the delay in treatment.

In a recent congressional circle jerk, House officials took time off from their useless lives to promptly shift the blame to other members of the Administration in order to feel better about themselves. Senator David Vitter (Rep.) of Louisiana did not mince his words in response to the blunders of the White House.

In a passionate diatribe to Tom Frieden, Director of the CDC, Vitter stated, “What kind of a fucking moron are you? Don’t you know how fucking close Louisiana is to Texas? I swear to Heaven on High, Ebola ain’t the only thing gonna make you bleed, boy! I outta jump over this motherfucking table and knife-fuck you myself! You got the trials of Job ahead of you!”

After being restrained by State officials and offered a glass of bourbon, Senator Vitter returned to his seat and wiped his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief.

In a swift and disingenuous response to the crisis, POTUS Barack Obama has unilaterally decided to send more troops with good intentions to yet another sovereign nation. 3,000 Lysol-trained US troops will soon arrive in West Africa to fight the disease with Vitamin C coated bullets and antibacterial hydrogen-peroxide bombs (AH-bombs) to combat the virus.

In a recent phone conversation, Obama has spoken to his West African counterparts to discuss his ambivalent and subversive strategy to stop the outbreak. Nigerian Foreign Minister Aminu Wali, he believes the AFRICOM-US joint venture will be a success.

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