This Halloween, my friends, we take the time to bring bone-chilling tales of our unfortunate reality, for these are not stories that we can easily escape. In my heart, I wish that I could say that such evils were left to fable, for it would give me enough comfort to sleep, but alas, it is not so. It is terror that lives in flesh and bone. Deep within the Abyss of financial austerity, it lives within the darkness of our lost hopes and aspirations, and obscures the light of Liberty across its blighted domain.
Beware, my children, for this creature of Satanic origins is the Beast of Three Branches, and his time of resurrection has come! Out of the mouth of forked tongues it has come to unleash its brand of bureaucratic maleficence upon the world. It lives deep in the House of Lords and Westminster. It rises up from its stone sarcophagus to satiate its hunger with the souls of economic prosperity, the jeers of disenfranchised voters, and the prospects of lucrative kickbacks from the Goetia of crony politicians, all paid for in collective punishment from the poor. It bickers over negligible laws and disappears whole swaths of gross domestic product. It is the Congress of the Undead Nobles; the Nightmare of Downing Street.
It is an ancient evil known by many names under the primeval and outdated Order of the Tory. Cameron, the Baron of Bullshit, the Little Horn of America, and purveyor of military adventurism. Osborne — the Leech of Downing Street, who possesses a crimson briefcase full of the blood of unborn futures. The Wicked Witch of the West(minster), Margaret Thatcher, whose legendary economic policies of privatisation and army of rabid boondoggles have turned the United Kingdom back towards the Dark Ages.
Know them by their names, children, and arm yourselves with the Holy Words of Wisdom: nullus ex supra. Guard your savings and wear the Ornaments of Understanding – our new collection of T-shirts, which features a large print of the monster mash of WestMunster. This Halloween, being forewarned is being forearmed, and as always, whatever you do, don’t fall asleep through another election. Until next time, children…